The trees shed off their leaves every year in order to have new leaves for the new year in the same manner snakes too shed off their old skins to welcome the new one. For nature shaking off old things come naturally but for humans it takes conscious efforts to do that.
People must upgrade constantly their circle of friends, associates, employers, clients and those who are poisonous in nature. The toxic people affect us so much that even an exposure of brief moment can influence our thinking, believing and action. Here are some good questions to ponder about our association with such people.
1. Who are you around?
Ask yourself every now and then, who am I around? Take a stock of people who you spend your most time with. What kind of people are they? Are they negative and toxic or are they positive? The saying goes, 'show me your friends and I will tell you who you are and what you are learning and getting in life.'
Near my house there is a college and a lot of students are studying there. The students are very young yet seem to know many things. I have observed some strange behaviours among these students. Whenever I see them in groups I notice one thing, they all smoke cigarettes, eat marijuana and sniff something. There is no one student who doesn't smoke or drink. All these students go to college not to study but hang around with their peer groups and you can understand the influence they have on each other. They seem to know the consequences but they are caught up in the powerful web of negative influences that they all have ended in becoming 'the birds of a feather flock together.'
The similar circumstances exist in the offices all over the world. The working people have families, children and parents to take care of but they all forget about them and indulge in negative environment. Think deeply, who are you around most of the time? You will be like them and probably you will die the same way.
2. What are they doing to you?
When we associate with people with poisonous character, we tend to assume their personality, philosophy, beliefs, values and lifestyle. You know, they influence us and condition us so much that we begin to be like them. If they are broke, you will be broke; if they are smart and rich, you will be smart and rich; if they gossip and criticize, you will follow their steps and manners. So think about your circle of friends and associates, neighbours etc. to solve this problem.
The students who smoke cigarettes, eat marijuana etc. are doing what their friends are engaged in. After they graduate from the university they will continue in the workplace too. It is a never ending process. Instead of shaking off their negative friends they are holding on to them.
3. What have they got you reading?
People who are negative will influence you to do what they do, say what they say and read what they read. If they are angry, you will be angry more often. If they don't read books which could change one's life, then you won't read books too. Associate with positive and optimistic people who encourage and empower to pursue your dreams and goals. Go after your dreams and in order to achieve your goals learn to read some good books.
Reading books facilitate people to achieve what they want in life and so it is better to read books that could lead you to success and not failures.
4. What have they got you saying?
When you associate with negative people, your speaking style and vocabulary will be matched together because you will have acquired their skills through repetition. If the toxic people abuse and say bad words, you will follow their suits too.
The language becomes very negative and harsh when you meet people who are exposed to negative environment. They hardly show respect and politeness. Think about the young students, who are engaged in bad habits, they hardly bother to show some courtesy to throw the cigarette buds in the trash can rather they all dump them wherever they smoke.
5. Where do they have you going?
Negative people won't let you achieve your goals. They won't let you go where you decide to go because if you want to go somewhere, they will dissuade you from doing something good.
The toxic people pull you down and break you down from going and pursuing your goals and dreams. They will instantly say to you that the things won't work and won't do much. You would tend to agree with them because you have been influenced by their attitude and thinking.
6. What do they have you thinking?
The negative oriented people think only negative thoughts, ideas and life. They don't think positive as a result they don't get what they want. It is very subtle and easy to get involved in the negative atmosphere.
Your thoughts, mindsets and attitude will shift from positive to negative. You won't think you could accomplish much in life. You will then resign to mediocre lifestyle which you will loathe later in life. You will begin to curse once you are married with wife and kids because you would be failing to achieve what you wanted. Feed your mind with good stuffs, associate with people who are going somewhere and you can move ahead in life too.
7. What do they have you becoming?
Most importantly the negative people don't assist you become what you want to become. They help you become negative and poisonous but they don't really change your life for better. The reason you should shake off old negative people from your life is that by spending your time with them you are letting them make you unsuccessful and negative. They are controlling your life and not you.
Don't give away your power to somebody who can't live a life for you. You must live your own life. But beware of what you are becoming while you associate with negative environment.
The person you become will affect you for the rest of your life because you will be reaping the same results again and again. If you think that will make you happy then you can continue to associate yourself with the negative environment. However personal experience and knowledge show that living a life like that is hard.
The best thing you can do is to shake off people who are negative and toxic because they are doing you only harm.
When you have negative people around you, you must ask yourself the important question, "is that okay? is it alright for you to associate with negative people or is it better if you shake them off from your life? The choice is yours.
Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor
