We have often heard the saying from the New Testament where Jesus says, "Love your neighbour as you love yourself." Many people think that we should love others first and then later we must love ourselves. The meaning is very deep here. What it means here actually is to be SELFISH by loving ourselves first and it is never to be unselfish first. Everything starts from within ourselves and it spreads outward. It is wise to ask a question, do we love ourselves first?
Many people don't really feel worthwhile and valuable as a result they don't love themselves. The poor self-esteem makes a person to like oneself less and less degrading one's worth. People don't really know about themselves and they don't get any encouragement from others, which causes them to shift their priorities on others rather than on themselves. They do everything for others, they try to be good friends, or love others etc. just to feel loved or important. But this is a wrong strategy. Self-esteem is an important aspect of our personality. Those who have good self-esteem, they are happier, richer and healthier in life.
The other day I found one of my students looked very sick, down and inactive and I asked Arem whether she loved herself. She paused for a while and thought about it and then she replied, 'no'. I was curious to know why she didn't love herself. She said, she didn't feel worthy and important. She thought that by loving others she was loving herself but in reality she didn't.
Then I asked her whether she admired herself or not in the mirror. She said she wouldn't do that because it sounded so silly. Anyway, I encouraged her to see herself in the mirror and say "I love you Arem, you are a beautiful girl, you have a lovely smile." It was very awkward to her. Upon my insistence, she agreed and looked herself into the mirror and loudly affirmed that she loved herself and she was beautiful with a lovely smile.
Arem is indeed a beautiful girl but her poor self-esteem doesn't let her focus on the positive aspects of life. She always thinks negative about herself, though in reality there is no negative about her. Like Arem there are millions who don't consider themselves lovable, beautiful and attractive. Instead, they limit themselves and live a low profile life.
If we closely study this case we will find that people actually have wrong notion about their personality, appearance and attitude. They think they are not special as a result not worthy of appreciation and love. People must begin to love themselves first as much as they can and if they do this, their whole attitude towards them will change and become a better one.
Once I helped Arem to admire herself, she felt convinced that she was indeed a beautiful young girl and nobody was like her in the whole world. The sick feeling that she had, disappeared at once when she affirmed and believed her qualities. She was emotionally sick and she needed an encouragement from others to support her that she was very special and important. People normally don't feel special until others make them feel but it is rare when others will come and say nice things about you.
Jesus when he taught people to love neighbours as they love themselves presupposed that they really loved themselves first and then if they came across anyone they should love in the same manner they loveed themselves. There is no second or third way to love. There is one way and that is to love oneself first and then extend that love to others.
When I was a teenager, I didn't like myself so much because I had pimples on my face. It bothered me so much when I compared myself with other friends. It drained my energy and I began to withdraw myself from facing people. I thought they would not accept me as I was. My self-esteem was very low and I was under stress and frustration. I couldn't understand why things happened to me. But as I grew towards maturity, I had a better understanding about myself and life. I accepted myself as I was and I loved and pampered myself by buying flowers, books, gifts and foods. It made me to think I was special and important and very unique.
It takes a ton of education to change our perception or attitude towards life and ourselves. If we don't have enough right knowledge, we don't really value and consider things important. If we love ourselves first, we can indeed love anybody as we wish and desire.
Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor
