We have entered into a new era which is completely different from what it used to be in the past when our parents and grand parents lived their lives. The marriage was considered very sacred and as an institution it commanded great degrees of respect, commitment, loyalty, integrity, honesty and submission. Today, due to rapid changes in education, economy, lifestyle, attitude, philosophy, technology and mindset, people have begun to question everything that was considered once true and unquestionable.
According to me, if we operate from old philosophy of marriage and relationship, the old ideas won't fit into the new ideas because of new rules and disciplines or habits that have been discovered by people in this present generation. I believe, no two individuals are of one mind, one thought or one attitude. The couples fall apart from each other due to several reasons and I want to explore those reasons here.
1. The married couples fail to take up personal development together.
When two separate individuals date each other, they see themselves as often as possible but they get carried away by whims and fancy of each other's magical attraction. Each comes with a set of needs and each tries to satisfy those needs by seeking abode in other's company and they don't ever think of developing themselves financially, mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, sexually and physically.
They get married without much preparation. They don't work on themselves, rather they prefer to assume that everything is fine. But in reality, if they don't work on their attitudes, emotions, finances, friendship and sexual appeal, nothing much can be expected in the relationship. Today couples must talk about their weaknesses and strengths so that they can figure out ways to reconcile the differences. However they fail to do a lot of homework on each partner. When things don't go well, they enter into quarrels and ultimately threaten each of dire consequences.
I have been married for 3 years now with a wonderful wife and son. I am so proud of my wife and my son. They complete me as a man because before the marriage and after the marriage, I ensured that my wife and I continually develop ourselves. I mean we engage in continuous learnings. We grow together by sharing our weaknesses and strengths because we want to live a wonderful life. It works and it is the best secret of marriage life in this changing time. Work on yourselves by personal development.
2. The couples don't do their marriage or relationship homework.
The couples neglect to do the marriage homework. There are many aspects of life which are to be touched upon and discussed through, and it is important that couples who want to lead an ideal lifestyle must engage in doing this work. If the homework is done properly, sincerely and seriously, then the marriage will last for eternity. So do the homework together with your partner before you get married and if you are already married, start the homework that you didn't do before the marriage. After the marriage, couples need to live their dreams according to their imagination or homework. They need to be happy while living their married life the moment they tie the knot. Happiness is experienced not at the end of married life but during the marriage.
3. The couples don't set right their goals, dreams and visions.
The couples who get separated are those who didn't bother to set right their goals, views, dreams and visions together. They assume that their dreams and goals are congruent with their ideal goals of marriage but in truth there is nothing much to gain. They both have jobs and their jobs demand their quality time but they have no quality time together to speak or share about their dreams. On the way babies come along as new members of the family and they occupy the major parts of their life. They don't find enough time to spend with each other to know and learn continuously about each other and then they slowly drift apart.
4. The couples don't know their purpose and mission.
The couples get married or date each other without realizing their ultimate purpose and mission in life. Marriage has its own purpose and mission. But the couples fail to attend to this aspect of life together. They don't know their purpose and since they don't have any idea about it, they tend to take things lightly and with no any regards. Couples' ultimate purpose in life is to lead a happy life, but their life turns out to be a life filled with miseries, curses and errors.
5. The couples don't buy each other flowers.
My wife loves flowers when I buy for her and she says the flowers remind us of our true, original and real love for each other. She feels appreciated and valued. And I feel happy to buy flowers for her whenever I feel the need without her expectation. This generates enthusiasm in relationship. I think the couples bought flowers for each other when they dated before marriage but they don't continue that after the marriage. It is a great way to stay together in commitment and loyalty with your partner.
6. The couples don't fuel their romance.
People have learned to fill gasoline in their vehicles but they forget the same analogy to refuel their marriage relationship. Marriage is like a car engine, which won't run without any fuel, to make the car run, one has to put gas and in the same way, if their is no sparkle, no refuelling of love, romance, attraction, magic words then there won't be any kinds of marriage worthy of praise or survival. It is important to refuel your married life with praise, encouragement, love, and magic words.
7. The couples don't continuously feel young.
The moment couples get married their feelings shift drastically towards becoming old and retiring in life. They don't behave and act like young people or young lovers. They get conformed to the old couples which they saw in their parents or neighbours. The couples who think and act young, they stay together forever till they die but the couples who think and behave like getting old, drift apart from each other.
8. The couples don't know what lifestyle to have.
Many couples have small dreams and they think they can it when they work hard for employers who give money in exchange of labour. The couples don't think big as a result they don't have big dreams. Big dreams and big thinking lead to having a great lifestyle but the couples don't engage in shaping their lifestyle together. Marriage is a partnership firm and if both partners don't contribute to run their business or marriage, then their relationship won't last long.
There are other many reasons, that we can think about which are responsible for couples being separated day after day these days. It is a sad story that number of divorce rate is increasing all over the world. Those who got separated in marriage, in the first place they shouldn't have married but because of whims, fancy or ignorance, they said a big yes to marriage.
Each individual is a responsible partner to sustain one's marriage and it is their duty to add some amazing things in relationship. Before you quit your marriage make sure that you do your homework and personal development together first.
Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor
