Learn To Control Your Emotions!

"A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them." Oscar Wilde“

People come under the influence of many kinds of emotions on a daily basis and it is at times very hard to keep them under control. Humans are emotional beings and if they are not matured and educated, they can easily be misled by emotions that don't serve our purpose. It is very important to detach oneself from some negative emotions that control us yet don't serve us well.

Vincent Van Gogh said, "Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it." Many people are ruled by negative emotions more than the positive emotions of joy, love, peace, health. So why not learn to have those feelings and emotions which you want to express on the daily basis. If you don't do your homework to control and understand your emotions, you can easily lose your control and thus your moods can be influenced negatively.

On a daily basis, you may be encountering many people and different events at odd hours of the day and you will never feel the same all the time. Sometimes, your anger may take hold of you suddenly when others don't agree with your ideas and opinions. You may scream at them and only to feel sorry later for the sudden outburst. There is a way to control your emotion and you can easily respond positively to any events at any point of time.

Steven Covey writes in his book, 'The seven habits of highly effective people' that we should not react to an event negatively rather we should be proactive meaning we should respond positively to any circumstances. In other words, if somebody suddenly cuts in front of you while driving, you don't have to yell or vent your anger, you just need to be cool, calm and happy. Here you have a choice to vent your anger or show a big smile. If you smile at them, that will make a big difference to you and others.

Instead of reacting to criticism, negative remarks and disagreement, you must choose to be proactive. You can choose to be polite, cool and gentle. This way you can control your emotions and lead a happy life always. Carl W. Buechner once said, "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." This is very important in life because this is what you want to feel and experience in your life.

In order to conclude, I would like to quote here Lakshmi Mittal, a billionaire who said this, "At the end of the day you have to keep emotions away." Learn to control your emotions that don't serve your purpose and revive those emotions that spur you to positive action. Be proactive and be responsible. Act and don't react to any events abruptly. Take a deep breath and respond politely. Show a sign of maturity.

Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor

You Can Overcome Your Low Self-Esteem(Part-3 Concluded)

It is said that people have self-concept about themselves. This self-concept determines every thing a person wants to do in life. Self-concept is a bundle of beliefs about oneself and about every part of life and the world. The self-concept here is the master program and is in your subconscious computer.

You are where you and what you are because of what you believe yourself to be on the daily basis. Whether you are rich or poor, fat or thin, healthy or sick, successful or unsuccessful, your beliefs, the self-concept control your life. It is very clear, your outer world is an expression of your inner world. If you want to change, you must work on your self-concept and make a correction there.

You should never allow your poor self-esteem to control your inner mind and if it controls your subconscious computer then you are sure to feel low and have low esteem through out your lifetime. However you can easily come out of this problem if you change your inner beliefs about yourself and be open to have a positive attitude about it.

Self-concept is made up of three parts and number one is Self-Ideal. Self-ideal means the vision you have for life, the picture and images that you hold about yourself to be in the real world. If you form an ideal self and you want to be that you can be because it is internal thing. It seems that people who overcome low-esteem, have very clear self-ideal. While those who are struggling and unsuccessful have unclear ideals in most cases.

The second part is the self-image. It is the way you see yourself, and the way you think about yourself as you live your daily life. It is the inner mirror and shows you what you are. Make an effort to change it deliberately. Think about yourself as the most competent, talented and efficient individual to achieve your goals. If you behave consistently according to the picture that you hold of yourself on the inside you can feel, talk, walk, think and achieve better things in life.

The third part is self-esteem. Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. It is the emotional aspect of your personality and it is the key to happiness, success and wealth. It gives energy, enthusiasm, vitality, optimism and power to make you a high performing and high-achieving man or woman.

How valuable and worthwhile you feel about yourself, how much you like and accept yourself as a good person, talented person will determine your outside success. Remember you got to believe yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, see yourself as a victor and value yourself to be, do, have and enjoy life.

Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor

You Can Overcome Your Low Self-Esteem(Part-2)

"Other people's opinion of you does not have to become your reality." Les Brown

A good self-esteem is very important in life because without it, one can easily sabotage one's success, happiness and lifestyle. You have to recognize your ability to become what you desire and wish. When you know yourself well, no negative words or remarks can influence you. Yesterday, I discussed here about one of the first ways to improve one's esteem level.

2. See yourself as a victor and not a victim.

Many people who suffer from low self-esteem see themselves as victims of some circumstances and they don't feel they have a power to control them. Circumstances reveal to us who we are actually and any circumstances can help us become a better person. You must dwell on what you can do and what you have; don't dwell on what you didn't do or what you could have done. People think mostly on their negative happenings more than the positive meaning. You must learn to perceive your bad circumstances in a better way.

Mahatma Gandhi, when he was fighting for independence, he went through many challenges and dehumanizing situation yet he never lost his self-esteem. He was thrown out of the train in South Africa, yet he didn't feel bad or didn't see himself as a man of less worth rather he was motivated to be a great worthwhile person. And today, he is respected, remembered and loved by many people for spreading the non-violence.

You may encounter failures, setbacks and loss, but they should never make you feel inferior or incapable because external things don't make us happy and strong. It is your internal things that will make you strong and healthy. Feel better inside of you and you will be happy to live another day. People fail in their endeavours and they give up completely and as a result their self-esteem goes down. Yes, chances are there, but you should never allow your esteem to go low. Abraham Lincoln failed many times. Thomas Edison failed thousand times, NASA scientists have failed many times and many other successful people failed many times but they never allowed their self-esteem to remain low. Instead such incidents made them to be strong and upbeat.

3. Self-esteem comes when you respect and value yourself.

Majority of population, all over the world feel that others should show them respect and honour. However they don't think that they should first respect and value themselves. Many don't consider themselves as respectful, valuable and priceless for many reasons but why not think oneself as very respectful indeed? If you truly respect yourself, you will value or empower yourself and then you will begin to see yourself as someone capable and talented.

Nobody really knows what they are worth until some interests or hobbies stand out in their lives. For instance, Bill Gates had some peculiar interests towards computer and he went after it as a result his self-esteem improved because he improved as a student. Similarly, Oprah didn't know she would be so successful in hosting her shows until the day came when she got the opportunity and that uplifted her soul and standard. She felt better because respected and valued herself for what she was capable of doing.

Great people respect themselves, they value themselves and they understand their capabilities. So learn to respect yourself and value what you possess. "It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others."Sidney J. Harris

When people are broke or heart broken, they lose their hopes and begin to have low self-esteem. Their esteem level comes down drastically that they no longer feel energetic to begin all over again. When you are broke, it is because of a reason; perhaps you are broke for developing some aspects of your life. If your loved one, broke away from you then there should be some valid reason and for that you don't need to feel low because obviously that wasn't supposed to be for you. Learn to keep things in right perspectives.

Alwed Ekka

Guide Coach Mentor

You Can Overcome Your Low Self-Esteem(Part-1)

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -- Buddha.

Almost all people in the world suffer from low-esteem at some point of time in life though everybody is born with a perfect self-image or idea about oneself. Children are born with all beauty, goodness, talents, abilities, love, health, wealth and happiness but as they grow up they get influenced through their associations that they lose their originality. Because of this they feel low about their self-worth. Low self-esteem drains their energy and enthusiasm that they feel depressed and angry.

A healthy self-esteem can be cultivated within oneself by right understanding and education. There are many kinds of disguises where people usually hide themselves today in the world. They hide in cosmetic products, plastic surgery, fine dresses, shoes, cars, houses, alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and jobs. These things temporarily help them feel better but again the feeling of low self-worth overpowers them. Here are some ways to heal oneself.

1. Accept and Love yourself from within first.

When you were formed in your mother's womb, your parents designed you with lots of love, care, ability, enthusiasm and energy. Your mom carried you wherever she went for nearly 9 months and she talked to you telling you how much she loved and waited to see you. At first, you didn't lack anything. I can relate this because our son was conceived with lots of love and care. My wife and I loved him so much when our son was in the womb. We would talk to him, play with him, and he would respond by kicking the stomach and we could feel that. It was a wonderful experience for us. Our son didn't lack anything. He got all our love and care. And even now, he is getting enough love and attention from us. He is two and half doing excellent. So there is no point that you lack love or attention. But why should there be low self-esteem?

You have got to accept and love yourself from within first so that your internal representation of yourself will be corrected and reflected outside what you are inside. When you see yourself from within you are marvellous and wonderful and same thing will be displayed outside. You must love yourself first and accept what you are, how you are because you are uniquely created.

People don't accept themselves and don't love because they compare themselves with others. They don't feel confident when something is crooked. You must never be afraid of other's opinions or ideas about you because they are different and they may perceive you differently and make comments about you. You shouldn't feel bad or take their opinions to heart because they don't tell the truth. They don't know you. External beauty, figure is a hype created by the media. Media is biased and undemocratic. You must accept and believe yourself for what you are. Never question your worthiness.

Don't fear whether others will accept and love you or not, instead love yourself, treat yourself and value yourself as a priceless gift. "The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others." Dr Sonya Friedman. As long as you have a positive and healthy outlook about yourself, nobody will dare to intimidate you. You must act confidently, talk confidently and conduct your daily business confidently without any fear.

Many times, others' opinions or remarks are the mirrors of what we internally represent within us, what we self-talk within us and what we fear. To your astonishment, the same things are presented to us as a response of your own internal representation. What happens to us occurs because we attract them knowingly or non-deliberately. Learn to love yourself from within and see yourself as the most confident person. You are valuable, priceless and precious.

Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor

Traditions Don't Liberate People!

Traditions will never liberate people as long as people adhere to them because they are outdated and obsolete. Traditions don't help people anywhere in the world to live in freedom with modern values. What old traditions are doing to innocent people all over the world is a pathetic situation. People are still holding on to the traditions as if they are helpful genes. These traditions are not genes they are memes- a collective opinions.

Old traditions have brutalized millions of innocent people.
Old practices and rituals which are part of a tradition have not contributed to the well being of humanity. Instead it has brutalized the innocent people. Traditions have maimed people, mutilated children and even claimed many lives in the name of keeping up the tradition. Why do people hold on to the old traditions which don't help people to grow, develop and improve their lifestyle? Old traditions should be done away in order to welcome the new tradition based on new time, space and trend. Tradition by itself is not bad, but not updating or upgrading it can be fatal to the community and the world. To illustrate this point, I ask you to visit any African nations and you will realize how millions of people are tortured in the name of traditions. How can elders decide for children who are minor and perform some rituals over them? Some rituals and practices are barbaric and inhumane in this 21st century. They are not acceptable because they don't liberate people rather it is enslaving and mutilating their bodies. We must shun traditions which don't liberate and educate people to live a better and happy life.

Traditions have become habits.
Traditions have become deep-seated habits that can't be easily gotten rid of. The children are born into new generation and century and they should be allowed to have their own modern traditions or habits that would suit their time and period. For instance, we should not decide for the children what they should be doing according to our old traditional beliefs and systems. We can't decide for them even when they are minors instead we must allow them to reach to certain maturity and suggest them if they are interested to embrace any practices or rituals and if they deny, we should not force them to accept any traditions. Forcing traditions on children is a crime and it is dangerous to the modern civilization.

Traditions are alive today because of ignorance.
People are sick and fed up with observing certain traditions and still people compel them to follow and observe. These people who are sticking to the outdated traditions are ignorant, illiterate and close-minded. They are the frogs of a well unable to see the bigger and educated world. Their world is small as a result their thinking is very narrow. Traditions have survived and thrived over the years and centuries because of one reason- ignorance, inability to think big and wide. The same traditions which are mutilating people will continue to survive even in this century and it will be passed on to the next golden century too because people will act and behave out of ignorance and enforce people to practice the rituals and rites. People need to be educated and empowered to think freely, reason out openly and live in freedom according to the new world trend and civilization.

Traditions don't liberate instead they maim the society and community.
By observing certain traditional rituals and rites, people don't get any kind of liberation or freedom and enlightenment. The innocent people are misled into believing unrealistic practices, which can't even support people to live another day. Why do we have to allow some traditions, which don't liberate people to live freely exist? We must leave the old traditions behind and move ahead to find the new ones which don't claim lives and don't make people suffer under the disguise of keeping up the traditions. I strongly condemn any traditions that don't allow people to live in peace, freedom, health and wellbeing. Human beings are more important and precious than keeping the traditions. We must respect people and their freedom to live a good lifestyle. Yes tradition is a lifestyle but if it is not helping people to live freely and openly, then it is not a respectful tradition.

In the name of traditions or religions people have committed so much crime against innocent people that they have no place to hide and stay. Why not leave people alone to choose their own lifestyle rather than imposing something that doesn't serve any purpose? The innocent victims of these traditions and religions are made to suffer unnecessarily is a big crime against the humanity. It is a human rights violation should be culpable to harsh punishment.

Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor

To Be Happy, Convert Your Childhood Love, Dreams, Interests And Hobbies Into A Reality!

"Happiness depends upon ourselves." Aristotle

If you want to be happy in your life, you must pursue your childhood love, dreams, goals, activities, interests and hobbies because that is where your heart lies. When children are born, they are born with unique intelligence and talents. They are born with a purpose, a mission to accomplish but as they grow up over the years they lose the sight of their childhood dreams, goals, interests and hobbies. They don't fail to convert them because they get influenced by external world.

In order to be happy, you need to convert your love, dreams, interests and hobbies into a reality so that you stay true to yourself. If you don't pursue your childhood dreams then you are not being true to your calling, talents and intelligence. Many people graduate from the schools and colleges but they sacrifice their childhood hobbies and instead go after what their parents and friends expect them to do. For instance, the children listen to what their parents tell them to study and then thereby choose a profession accordingly. It is attractive to choose a profession which pays huge salary but after a while it won't make the person happy. There is no real work satisfaction. They find hard to get up in the morning to go to the office because it is not what they wanted when they were small.

These days many professionals have less and less time to enjoy a decent vacation with their families because they are very busy at their work. It doesn't seem to be their dream jobs because it doesn't make them happy. They work only with their head ignoring their hearts. These people could have easily converted their childhood fantasies, hobbies and interests if they had really pursued them. They would have been able to innovate new ways to do business or new ways to market the products, if they had followed what they loved when they were small.

Steve Jobs pursued what he loved and similarly Bill Gates followed what he loved. They were able to convert their interests, hobbies, dreams and desires into a reality and today they have become so valuable that all people dream to be like them. Wright Brothers are another great examples who pursued what they desired and dreamed as children and they succeeded in realizing their dreams. It certainly made them happy and content with what they did. Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and many other great people converted what was very close to their hearts and that in turn gave them great happiness.

Don't be dismayed by others who kill your childhood aspirations and interests. Pursue them till you convert them into a reality because this will make you happy forever. It is within your reach and your happiness depends entirely upon you. Your childhood aspirations, hobbies and interests are powerful enough to make you very successful in life.

Don't shy away from pursuing and converting your childhood dreams, desires and interests for you can turn them into a reality just like J.K. Rowling, the great novelist who transformed her life by pursuing her childhood love to write and today you know what is the real outcome or final result. Don't take your dreams and hobbies for granted. They represent you and you are on a mission to do something extraordinary in the world.

Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor

How Do You Feel About Money?

"Successful people make money. It's not that people who make money become successful, but that successful people attract money. They bring success to what they do." Dr. Wayne Dyer

First and foremost, I want to ask, "How do you feel about money? What do you think about money? Why do you think about money? When do you think about money? Many people think, talk and feel about money differently and most of the time. It makes a very important impression in minds of people who think, talk and feel about money. The question arises what do they think, talk and feel about money?

Successful men and women seem to love money and like money. They don't hate money. They like money. They see the good things that can be accomplished with the help of money. Money becomes a very important commodity for them. But most people think, talk and feel about money negatively. They have negative attitude towards money and as a result they repel it. Successful people don't chase money and they don't take their needs to the marketplace instead they attract money by following their life purpose and mission. They take their skills and talents to the marketplace and attract money.

Warren Buffet, the investment genius doesn't run after money instead his expertise and experiences go in search of better investment. Similarly, others too follow the same style of making money. They refine their skills, polish their professionalism and invest in their continuous learning.

Money is attracted to those who feel good about it. Money flows to people who think good about and talk good about it. Above all they feel good and great about having too much money. They see there is no any inherent evil in possessing money. In India people worship wealth or money because it represents Goddesses. In other words, they perceive money as something good and not evil as a matter of fact they attract what they consider to be good.

If there is poverty in the world, it is there because majority of people don't feel good about money. They think money is evil and a loathsome subject. Since they think negatively about money and feel bad about money, they repel possessing or attracting money. There is nothing wrong in attracting money, if it comes from genuine sources.

Many think money is evil because they see money coming from wrong sources and as a result they tend to think, talk and feel money as bad and evil. Money is not bad. It is good and affirmative. Money is bad when it is acquired through evil sources. Here the action is wrong and bad. However people should never consider money as evil.

If you want to attract money, abundance and prosperity in your life, you must think, talk and feel positively about money. There is something nice about it and it has the power to change one's life. Of course people feel bad about money because they were given misleading information from elders who didn't know much about money. They were well aware of the evil sources from where the money came in hand.

How do you feel about money when you spend it? What do you say to yourself when you give money to others? What do you think of accumulating money through good channels? Remember how you feel is very important in attracting money in your life and what you feel when you spend or buy something.

Feel good as much as you can about money. Love money as dearly as you can. Think about it as positive as you can and talk about its inherent qualities and power to change millions and billions of people on earth. Feel good, think good, talk good and love money to attract it in your life.

Alwed Ekka
Guide Coach Mentor